Marriage, as a cultural institution, carries unique pressures within Indigenous Black American Indian communities, rooted in centuries of tradition, colonization, and systemic racism. These pressures, often exacerbated by cultural shaming tactics, the lingering effects of post-traumatic slave syndrome, and ongoing racism, create complex dynamics that influence relationships. For single Black women, navigating these challenges while prioritizing their own spiritual and mental health becomes essential in aligning with a healthy partner.
Cultural Shaming and Marriage Pressures
In many Indigenous Black American communities, marriage is seen as a rite of passage, a necessary milestone that confers social status and respect. This cultural norm can be both empowering and oppressive, particularly for women. Married women often act as gatekeepers of this tradition, sometimes employing shaming tactics to enforce these social institutionalized “norms” on their single peers. These tactics can include subtle or overt comments about a woman's worth being tied to her marital status, or assumptions that single women are incomplete or not fulfilling their societal roles.
Some shaming one word examples include terms such as placeholder, pick me, doormat, soft life, being more or less submissive, masculine, independent, baby mama, married single mother, and other superficial terminology which can create more psychological damage than it does to create healthy habits.
Some shaming tactics can go as far as influencing the single Black woman to leave her man and their new fond family, separating the children from the father just because the man and woman are not married through the state.
These shaming tactics are deeply rooted in cultural expectations that have been passed down through generations. In Indigenous Black communities, marriage is often intertwined with tribal continuity, land rights, and the preservation of cultural practices. For Black women, marriage historically represented a means of protection and stability in a society designed to marginalize and oppress them. The legacy of these pressures continues today, manifesting in both supportive and toxic ways within communities.
The Impact of Racism on Relationships
Racism plays a profound role in the challenges faced by Indigenous and Black couples. For Black men, in particular, systemic racism has long undermined their ability to secure stable employment, access education, and provide for their families. This marginalization often leads to feelings of inadequacy and frustration, which can strain relationships. The societal expectation for men to be providers is deeply ingrained, and when Black men are unable to fulfill this role due to structural barriers, it can erode their self-worth and confidence.
Moreover, intercultural dynamics add another layer of complexity. Indigenous Black American women may face pressure to marry within their communities within the states, to preserve cultural identity and resist assimilation. However, the limited availability of eligible partners within these communities—due to being prisoners of war, exacerbated by high rates of incarceration and systemic barriers to economic advancement—can make finding a compatible partner challenging.
The solution to this problem is to expand the global mindset of mating by encouraging travel and the study and intermingling within the many cultures of the Aborigine and African diaspora.
Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome and Its Legacy
The concept of Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome (PTSS), developed by Dr. Joy DeGruy, provides a framework for understanding how the legacy of slavery continues to affect Black communities today. PTSS suggests that the trauma experienced by enslaved Indigenous American Indians and Africans has been passed down through generations, manifesting in behaviors that undermine the ability to form healthy relationships and families.
For Black men, PTSS can manifest in feelings of inadequacy, hypermasculinity, and difficulty trusting others. These issues can make it challenging to engage in healthy, supportive relationships, particularly in a society that continues to devalue Black life. The pressure to conform to traditional gender roles, combined with the economic and social barriers imposed by racism, can exacerbate these challenges, leading to cycles of dysfunction in relationships.
Prioritizing Spiritual and Mental Health
For single Indigenous Black American women, the pressures of marriage can be particularly acute. The expectation to marry can create feelings of inadequacy or anxiety, especially when faced with cultural shaming tactics. However, it is crucial for these women to prioritize their own spiritual and mental health as they navigate the complexities of relationships.
Focusing on getting to know thyself holistically, shadow-work, self-care and personal growth allows single Black women to align themselves with partners who are healthy, supportive, and emotionally available. This can involve engaging in practices such as therapy, meditation, spiritual exploration, and community support. By cultivating a strong sense of self-worth and resilience, single Indigenous Black American women can resist the pressures to settle for less than they deserve and instead wait for the alignment of a partner who truly complements their journey.
Conclusion
The pressures of marriage in Indigenous and Black communities are deeply intertwined with cultural expectations, the legacy of racism, and the ongoing impact of historical traumas. While these pressures can be challenging, they also offer an opportunity for reflection and growth. By understanding the cultural and historical context of these pressures, and by prioritizing their own spiritual and mental health, single Black women can navigate these challenges with grace and resilience, ultimately finding alignment with a healthy and supportive partner.
- Jamie S. Cooley
Here are some audio and visual resources that I recommend in reference to a healthy practice regarding manifesting marriage and other life goals, curated by fellow indigenous global family.
1) How I Attract Love In My Life
3) Source Energy and Relationships
4) The Simplest Way To Manifest A Relationship
Resources to expand studies within the context of Prisoners of War, Marriage, Community and Relationship
1) Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome by Dr. Joy Degruy
2) A "Marriage" Isn't Just Feelings by Dr. Neely Fuller
3) Marriage Customs of Aborigine Black Americans by Dr. Taj Tarik Bey